When a stone is thrown into a pond, it creates ripples that move outward and affect each part of the pond and the creatures that live within it. Each of our actions, small or big, have a ripple effect that touch, alter, and influence our lives and the lives of those around us. For most …
Your actions created a ripple effect that forever changed the lives of many. Most importantly, mine and the lives of 2 young boys. You gave a gun to a man who you also gave drugs to. You hosted a deal that directly resulted in a police chase, gave a tool to someone not of sound …
I’m not sure where to start. 3 years. It feels so far away. So much has changed from the big to the small things. The boys are bigger. They are learning so much in school and succeeding beyond what we imagined for them there. Their struggles and behaviors are harder. I know we knew and …
A letter to Jake. Written 11 months post loss. A few days ago, I went to visit you. It was freezing outside, a harsh breeze, one sick kiddo at home, and I had to see you. It was the day after Valentine’s Day, the cemetery had called. Your monument was done and had been installed …
Written 1 year, 8 months, 13 days post lost. If I’m being completely honest, I’ve hidden from my grief for months now. But here is the thing about grief: it always finds you. Many told me year two would be harder. The fog would lift. The shock would fade. And I’d be left to stand …
Dear Mama, I see you. I see you are tired, exhausted, and worn down. I see the burden you carry on your shoulders. I see the weight of those precious children’s futures you carry. I see your heart on your sleeve. I see the minutes, hours, days, months, and years you pour your soul into …
Exactly a week ago, I wrote about thriving. I find that ironic as that day I felt surrounded by a sea of calm. Today I feel like a rabid UFC fighter in an apocalyptical situation stripped of my armor and seething to find a peaceful place to lick my wounds. What changed? What forces these …
At some point today after removing my PJ uniform, taking a shower for the first time in two or three days, and putting on real clothes, and by real clothes I mean respectable workout pants and a Calvin Klein long sleeve, I styled my naturally wavy hair that I recently dyed to match my natural …
Words cannot even begin to express the magnitude of weary that I feel right now. And I feel it to my very core. I am not even sure how to describe a feeling that goes bone deep and you can feel in the inner workings of your heart and brain. It has been all consuming …
Tired doesn’t even crack the surface. Exhausted, not even close. It’s days like these that I sit in bed wondering what am I doing? Really, what? I walked with anxiety and depression for years. I just did a really good job fooling myself that I was doing FINE (but Fine is really an acronym for: …